Victory!

From: clayton mccaulley
To: Alex Traynor
Date: Apr 3, 2006 8:35 PM
Subject: angry arsanist productions

hi umm i know this is just kinda of random but me and a friend have a small but slowly grownig production company and we have been looking for a flash artist we mainly do mechanisms and real life videos...we dont have a lot of content yet cause we gotta get a capture card and a nw camra =but we will be fully up and running in about haf way through summer but if your intrested in becoming on of us email me back and i picked you cause yor stuffs funny and you already have recignition oh and well help you out to im myself right scripts and shit and my other friends have cars money ...some of them..and ones good with computers so yeah email me back

THANK YOU
THE ANGRY ARSANIST TEAM AND PRESIDENT
CLAYTON MCCAULLEY

as we gangsters say peace/skillz included/bow chica bow wow/boom chi chi boom/fall down 7 times get up 8/yes i killed them and i hope they burn in hell

From: Alex Traynor
To: clayton mccaulley
Date: Apr 4, 2006 12:23 AM
Subject: Re: angry arsanist productions

I mean, if you're gonna try to recruit me to your shitty inexperienced
14 year old's "production company" for the sole purpose of trying to
exploit my recognition and have me do most of your work for you, here are some suggestions...

1. Make your fucking letter legible.

2. Prove to me that you even know what the name of my movie is and you haven't spammed this to every flash author you could find.

3. If you really did watch my movie, you should've already gotten the
impression that I'd think less of you if you included the words, "as
we gangsters say peace"

4. Try not to make promises of money and free rides with your other retarded gangsta friends, it just comes off as pathetic. (I'm not even
sure this is what you meant, because you write like a fucking retard)

5. I totally don't care about minor spelling mistakes, but when you
mispell the fucking name of your production company, that's fucking
pathetic. (It's Arsonists)

And to finally answer your question, Fuck no.

From: clayton mccaulley
To: alex
Date: Apr 4, 2006 10:40 PM
Subject: OK...........

OK YOU MAKE THE PIXELATED SERIES IM NOT TRYING TO GET A DUDE TO DO ALL THE FUCKING WORK..OK IM JUST TRYING TO GET THE MOTHER FUCKING NAME HEARD SO WHEN WE(ME AND MY FRIEND) START DROPPING THE OTHER SHIT WE DONT HAVE TO COME OUT OF THE FUCKING BLUE...OK AND THERES NOT A FUCKING SPELLING ERROR ON THIS ONE OK BITCH...AND YOUR SHIT ISNT EVEN FUNNY ITS GAY AS HELL THATS WHY I OFFERED TO WRITE YOUR SHIT CAUSE AND 16 OR 17 YEAR OLD HAVING TIME TO SIT ON HIS ASS AND PUMP OUT TWO ARE THREE MOVIES IS PROBABLY A FRIENDLESS RETARD OK SO DONT FUCKING CUSS AT ME I WAS BEING COOL ENOUGH TO OFFER YOU SOMTHING AND ALL YOU HAD TO WAS PUT A FUCKING NAME ON YOUR SHIT WICH I WOULD HAVE WRITEN CAUSE YOU SHIT SUCKS SO GO FUCK YOURSELF IN YOUR MINIVAN.....AND HAVE A GOOD DAY


as we gangsters say peace/skillz included/bow chica bow wow/boom chi chi boom/fall down 7 times get up 8/yes i killed them and i hope they burn in hell

From: Alex Traynor
To: clayton mccaulley
Date: Apr 4, 2006 11:28 PM
Subject: Re: OK...........

Maybe I made a slight misjudgement about you, you are extremely funny. That gave me a 10 minute case of the giggles. I applaud you.

I also applaud you for letting me win this seemingly pointless
internet argument, for if it wasn't for your many various contextual
errors, and your blatant "retardedousity"(I know that isn't a
word...yet), I may not have attained this victory in such little time.

Here are the conditions in which I believe my landslide victory was attained:

1. You start out your argument with a sentence hinting that you were going to try to use my recognition to help publicize your cartoon, yet at the end of your argument you state that you were doing ME a favor by offering it in the firstplace.

2. NOBODY INFERS WHEN READING SOMETHING WRITTEN ENTIRELY IN CAPS THAT THE AUTHOR OF THE STATEMENT IS ANGRY, THEY JUST THINK HE'S RETARDED.

3. You had to teach yourself how to use Yahoo's spellcheck feature in order to reply to me.

4. Apparently spell check doesn't work on basic grammar mistakes such as "PUMP OUT TWO ARE THREE MOVIES" (I think you meant, "Two OR Three"), "CAUSE AND 16 OR 17 YEAR OLD" (Pretty sure you meant 'a 16 or 17 year old'), "YOUR SHIT WICH I WOULD" (Uh-oh, spellcheck missed "SOMTHIN"). And It also doesn't help that your letter has no punctuation whatsoever.

5. You tell me you offered to write my shit in your first e-mail, yet I had no idea you offered, because I can't read your writing. I-R-O-N-Y.

6. If you really thought my shit was gay and terrible, you wouldn't want to be associated with my work at all. Why would you want your work to be seen by all the "fags" who like my series?

7. Your e-mail signature makes fun of itself.

There are many more conditions which led to my victory, and I would
type them all, but my fingers are getting tired. Before I go, I'd just
like to thank a few people, of which this victory might've not been
possible without them.

Hewlett Packard - Although your customer support barely speaks english and the touchpad on my laptop may have broken far too easily, without you this whole thing wouldn't have been possbile.

Al Gore - Again, without you, this wouldn't be possible. I love the internet.

Aunt Jemima - I was eating pancakes while typing this, and they wouldn't have tasted the same without you.

Oh, and Clayton (May I call you Clay?), you show me your first cartoon
and I will watch it. If you can get at least one person to tell you it isn't total shit (Grandma doesn't count), I will personally apologize, and then I will buy you a mini-van of your own... so you can go fuck yourself in it.

Your's Truly
-Alexander "Victorious" Traynor