This article is about religion, and I realize that can be a very sensitive subject for some people. That is why I’ll start the article with a little diversion so you’ll be ready to read about the matter at hand. And now for the diversion…
Bestiality: A poem by Alex Traynor
I bought a cat the other day.
But I got sad when it didn’t want to play.
So I fucked its brains out.
The End
I bought a cat the other day.
But I got sad when it didn’t want to play.
So I fucked its brains out.
The End
Most religions involves a similar belief structure, in which an all powerful Deity, or force, reigns supreme. He is accounted with pretty much everything. Lost your keys? “Fuck you God”. Found ‘em again? “Sorry about that God, I left them in my wallet”. Sometimes God gets gypped in the whole process in statements such as “I won the lottery!”, and sometimes God gets thanked in Halle Berry’s Oscar speech.
God is a very tricky fellow, one minute he’s saving a family of four from a brushfire, the next minute he’s killing thousands with another one of his damn hurricanes. How can we stop these rapid mood swings, you ask? The answer is simple, build a laser big enough to shoot massive amounts of prescription drugs into the sky.
I, myself, am not really into this whole religion craze, I just really don’t like what these ‘religions’ have to offer. That is why; I am starting my own religion. It is called “Super Atheism!” We will believe in absolutely nothing except our many various and elaborate holidays.
Let us compare all of the religions.
I think Super Atheism is the clear winner in that obviously biased comparison. “How can I join Super Atheism?” you may ask. The answer is quite simple; all you need to do is send a $500 dollar check to:
God is a very tricky fellow, one minute he’s saving a family of four from a brushfire, the next minute he’s killing thousands with another one of his damn hurricanes. How can we stop these rapid mood swings, you ask? The answer is simple, build a laser big enough to shoot massive amounts of prescription drugs into the sky.
I, myself, am not really into this whole religion craze, I just really don’t like what these ‘religions’ have to offer. That is why; I am starting my own religion. It is called “Super Atheism!” We will believe in absolutely nothing except our many various and elaborate holidays.
Let us compare all of the religions.
| Religion: | Christianity | Muslim | Judaism | Super Atheism |
| Sex Policy: | No sex until marriage. | No sex until marriage. | No sex until marriage. | As long as she’s living. |
| Place of worship: | Church | Mosque | Synagogue | Couch |
| Total Annual Holidays: | 5 | 4 | 10 | 365 |
| Flagship | Christmas | Ramadan | Hanukkah | “Sit at home and eat Doritos™” Day |
| Holy Book: | Bible | Qu’ran | Torah | Hustler |
| Stereotype: | Redneck | Terrorist | Cheap-ass | Overwhelmingly Attractive. |
| Hated by: | Muslims | Christians | Everyone | My parole officer. |
I think Super Atheism is the clear winner in that obviously biased comparison. “How can I join Super Atheism?” you may ask. The answer is quite simple; all you need to do is send a $500 dollar check to:
The Super Atheism Awareness Fund (Alex Traynor)
97 Alemeda Blvd.
Glastonbury , CT , 06033
Although I am a religious pioneer, I do not ask to be referred to as a ‘God’, but it definitely wouldn’t hurt if you screamed my name out during sex.
1 comments:
Super atheism rocks! And be carefull about everyone hating jews. They have a big laser that destroys ham...
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